5 things i’ve learned after 5 years of dating
This is getting up close and personal but….
This weekend my boyfriend and I celebrated our five year anniversary whaaaat.
I’m actually pretty private about my relationship and personal life and was reluctant to share but this I am trying to be more open about my personal life.
*Fun fact: the photo you see above was taken a couple years ago and we both have it framed in our rooms.
Anyways, relationships are amazing but they are also very difficult. There is no formula. There is no secret. And every single one of them is different. Five years is a long time (for me at least). I know there are people who have been together for 20+ years. Please congratulate yourself to that! In this day and age, a lot of people in our society quit if the going get tough. They don’t fix what is broken but instead, find a new one. I don’t believe in that personally. My mentality is that you fix what is broken! That is how you grow as a couple.
Today, I am going to share with you 5 things I’ve learned after 5 years of dating. I am no expert nor is my relationship perfect but maybe some of you will apply this to your own relationships and it will help you in some way. Who knows!
Here we go:
- having your own life
Having a relationship is about creating a life together. But I can’t stress enough how important to is to have separation and have your own life, your own friends, your own job, and your own space. I know of a lot of relationships out there that spend all day every day together. If that works for them, that’s great. But I know I need my girl friend time, my own job (couples who work together I don’t know how you do it), and family time. Life is about balance and I thrive on having all these different aspects of my life. It gives you something to talk about at the end of the day.
2. the two H’s
I learned this phrase at a conference last year. If you’re fighting with your partner, don’t do this for fair fighting.
Historical and hysterical. These are two big no no’s.
Historical is bringing up the past. And hysterical is emotional overload. These are both silent killers. What happened two years before you met each other isn’t relevant or fair to use against them. Being overly emotional where you can’t even think straight isn’t healthy either.
Stay away from these my friends!
Everybody knows this one but I can’t stress it enough. A relationship CANNOT function if it isn’t built on honesty and trust. Your partner should know all your flaws and they should know yours and love you for them. There is no hiding or being judgmental of your partner. That doesn’t work. Once you break trust it’s hard to get it back. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship.
4. you spend 90% of the time eating together
“What are your hobbies? What does your date night look like?” people will ask. Umm…eating and eating. LOL Anybody in a relationship can attest to this, let’s be real. Whether it’s going out to eat, or cooking, or drinking coffee, I swear most of our time together is eating. It’s true! When you spend time with your person, you’re eating every meal with them. I remember when I first met Mason he was a very picky eater and did noooot like much. He was a “steak and potatoes” kind of guy. Which is totally fine! However you know me, the big foodie. I love indian food, sushi, really any kind of ethnic food, charcuterie boards, and am always open to trying new things. I remember when we first started dating I was actually really unsure if it was a good idea because I didn’t know how Mason and I would get along when we ate sooo differently. Fortunately, my eating habits started rubbing off on him and now he loves all this amazing food that I do and he’s introduced me to some of his meals as well. The point is, you spend a lot of your time eating together. It’s also great to take turns cooking for each other. Mason makes a great breakfast but I still also like to cook breakfast for him. Or even though a lot of the time he picks up the cheque when we go out for dinner, I still pick up the cheque other times. These little gestures for each other are so important! Make sure you trade off and that it’s not one person organizing it all or paying for it all.
5. Communication/Love Language
This is a big one. Communicating with your partner is so important. And I know it’s easier said that done. Everybody expresses differently so how you may express may be different than how your partner expresses. This is also applicable to love language.
For example, some people show their love through action. This could be by buying a coffee, showing they care through action. Versus…showing their love verbally. By saying “I was thinking about you and I love you so much”. As long as you have identified how your partner communicates and are on the same page, then you’re good to go.
I hope these tips help you! Relationships are HARD and there is no formula for a successful relationship. You have to do what is best for you.
Anyways, to all the couples out there that have been together for a long time, you are killing it! High five your partner and cherish your relationships. For love is the greatest thing in the world.