5 things i’ve learned after 5 years of dating

This is getting up close and personal but….

This weekend my boyfriend and I celebrated our five year anniversary!

Being someone who values privacy, sharing this milestone was a bit nerve-wracking at first, but I know relationship content is always a popular topic and love is always worth celebrating.

Relationships are incredible but they can also bring challenges at times! There is no one-size-fits-all formula. There is no secret. And every single one of them is different. Five years is a long time (for me at least) but there are couples who have been together for 20+ years or even longer. If that’s you, please congratulate yourself to that! In this day and age, a lot of people in our society quit if the going gets tough. They don’t fix what is broken but instead, find a new one. I don’t believe in that personally. My mentality is that you fix what is broken! That is how you grow as a couple.

Today, I am going to share with you 5 things I’ve learned after 5 years of dating. I am no expert nor is my relationship perfect but maybe some of you will apply this to your own relationships and it will help you in some way.

Here we go:

1. Having your own life

Having a relationship is about creating a life together but I can’t stress enough how important to is to have separation and have your own life, your own friends, your own job, and your own space. I know of a lot of relationships out there that spend all day every day together. If that works for them, that’s great. But I know I need my girl friend time, my own job (couples who work together I don’t know how you do it lol), and family time. Life is about balance and I thrive on having all these different aspects of my life. It gives you something to talk about at the end of the day.

2. The two H’s

I learned this phrase at a conference last year. If you’re fighting with your partner, don’t do this for fair fighting.

Historical and hysterical. These are two big no no’s.

Historical is bringing up the past. And hysterical is emotional overload. These are both silent killers. What happened two years before you met each other isn’t relevant or fair to use against them. Being overly emotional where you can’t even think straight isn’t healthy either.

Stay away from these my friends!

3. Honesty

Everybody knows this one but I can’t stress it enough. A relationship CANNOT function if it isn’t built on honesty and trust. Your partner should know all your flaws and they should know yours and love you for them. There is no hiding or being judgmental of your partner. That doesn’t work. Once you break trust it’s hard to get it back. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship!

4. You spend 90% of the time eating together

“What are your hobbies? What does your date night look like?” people will ask. Umm…eating and eating. LOL Anybody in a relationship can attest to this, let’s be real. Whether it’s going out to eat, or cooking, or drinking coffee, I swear most of our time together is eating. It’s true! When you spend time with your person, you’re eating every meal with them. I remember when I first met Mason he was a very picky eater and hadn’t tried a lot of the food I’ve eaten. He was a “steak and potatoes” kind of guy. Which is totally fine! However you know me, the big foodie. I love indian food, sushi, really any kind of ethnic food, charcuterie boards, and am always open to trying new things. I remember when we first started dating I was actually really unsure if it was a good idea because I didn’t know how Mason and I would get along when we ate sooo differently. Fortunately, my eating habits started rubbing off on him and now he loves all this amazing food that I do and he’s introduced me to some of his meals as well. The point is, you spend a lot of your time eating together. It’s also great to take turns cooking for each other. Mason makes breakfast for us all the time while I’ll make lunches for us during the week. Or even though a lot of the time he picks up the cheque when we go out for dinner, I still pick up the cheque other times. These little gestures for each other are so important! Make sure you trade off and that it’s not one person organizing it all or paying for it all.

5. Communication/Love Language

This is a big one. Communicating with your partner is so important. And I know it’s easier said than done. Everybody expresses differently so how you may express may be different than how your partner expresses. This is also applicable to love language.

For example, some people show their love through action. This could be by buying a coffee, showing they care through action. Versus…showing their love verbally. By saying “I was thinking about you and I love you so much”. As long as you have identified how your partner communicates and are on the same page, then you’re good to go. You don’t necessarily have to have the same love language as your partner, but you need to know what it is and be respectful of it.

I hope these tips help you! Remember, relationships are a gift but require work. There is no formula for a successful relationship and you have to do what is best for YOU.

To all the couples out there that have been together for a long time, you are killing it! High five your partner and cherish your relationships. Relationships aren’t always easy but with effort and commitment from both partners, they can last a lifetime.

-Jenna xoxo