How to stop being a “people pleaser”
Why do we people please?
-you feel responsible for other people
-you are constantly apologizing if things aren’t going right
-you don’t say no to things
-you are unhappy or suffer at the expense of others
The list goes on…
The answer to why we people please is…we want approval. We want everyone around us to be happy, even if that means sacrificing our own happiness. But there are dangers to this.
I have grown up being a people pleaser my whole life. Though I’ve gotten a lot better, it is still something I struggle with to this day.
For me, I grew up where we “respected our elders, respected our authorities”…no matter what. That’s still in place currently but times have changed and people don’t always practice that as much before. If any type of authority was disappointed in me growing up, a teacher, a coach, a friend’s parent, etc., I would be devastated. Even if I got into a fight with my parents as a teenager, I still wanted their approval. It’s a vicious cycle.
So why am I writing this blog? I feel like the word “people pleaser” is tossed around all the time and downplayed as nothing serious. But it is a big deal. And a lot of people are victim to this.
So why can being a people pleaser be a bad thing?
There is so much pressure to be a people pleaser. To be nice all the time and suppressing what you’re truly feeling. It requires a lot of energy. Energy you may not have.
You are allowed to be selfish sometimes and have to do what is best for you. Because at the end of the day, the people you are bending over backwards for will do whatever is best for them without thinking about you. It’s a harsh reality but it’s the truth.
There have been a few instances in my life lately where I had to stop thinking about everybody else and do what’s best for me. And it wasn’t easy! I made some people mad. I had some of those close to me not happy with my decisions. And I felt soo guilty. But we have to stop thinking this way because if you are doing what is healthy and right for you, why should you feel bad about that.
So here are my strategies if you’re in a similar boat as me:
-Decide what your priorities are: Ask yourself what are the most important things to you? This is a big one for me.
-Get rid of toxic people: Growing up I had sooo many different friends groups. Which was great. But now that I’m older, my circle has gotten a lot smaller. Which is great! Quality or quantity. If you have a couple quality people in your life, that’s all you need.
-Stop apologizing: This one I’m always working on. If you are setting your priorities, don’t feel bad about it. I know I have a habit of feeling bad for saying no that I immediately say “sorry” for doing so. No! Again, gotta do what is best for you and stand by it.
-Set boundaries: If somebody asks you for something, ask yourself first how you feel about that action? Is this going to put stress on you and your relationships?
I know the topic of people pleasing isn’t an easy one but if you got any advice from this blog, I hope it helps. I am definitely guilty of being a people pleaser so I want to help others overcome it as well.
Remember, you can’t please everyone. Do what is best for you and your health.